This is the final post in our five-part Sexual Health & STI Awareness Series. If you missed the earlier posts, you can read Part 1: STI Testing 101, Part 2: The Most Common STIs in Brooklyn & NYC, Part 3: STIs With No Symptoms, and Part 4: HIV, PrEP & PEP.
The Conversation Almost Nobody Wants to Have
You can know everything about STIs, get tested every six months, and still freeze up when it is time to talk about it with a partner. Almost everyone does. The conversation feels awkward at best and confrontational at worst — and the longer you put it off, the harder it gets.
Here is the truth, though: sexual health is a shared decision. The single most effective thing you can do — beyond testing yourself — is normalize this conversation with the people you sleep with. Couples who can talk openly about testing and history have lower STI rates, catch infections earlier, and treat them faster. That is what this final post in our series is about: how to actually do that, in plain language, without making it weird.
We will walk through when to bring it up, how to start the conversation, what to do if a partner reacts badly, how to disclose a positive result if you ever need to, and the NYC and New York State programs (like Expedited Partner Therapy and Partner Services) that exist specifically to make this easier.
Why This Conversation Is So Hard — and Why It Matters Anyway
Talking about STIs touches a lot of nerves at once: privacy, trust, judgment, body image, past relationships, fear of rejection. It is also one of the only health conversations most adults never get coached through. Doctors rarely role-play it with you. Schools usually skip it. And most pop culture either ignores it or plays it for cringe humor.
But the conversation matters because:
- Most STIs are silent. As covered in Part 3, the majority of infections cause no symptoms. Without a conversation about testing, neither of you may know.
- Status changes. A clean test six months ago does not mean a clean test today — especially with new partners since.
- Prevention is a team activity. Tools like PrEP, condoms, and routine testing work best when partners are aligned.
- It builds trust. Counterintuitively, partners who can have this conversation usually feel closer afterward, not more distant.
When to Bring It Up
There is no single “right” moment, but there are wrong ones — like five minutes into a hookup. The general principle is to bring it up before sex is on the table, when you are both clothed, sober, and not in a rush.
| Situation | Good time to bring it up |
|---|---|
| A new dating relationship | Once you both sense sex is on the horizon — typically a few dates in, before it happens for the first time |
| A casual or hookup-based connection | Before meeting up — over text is completely fine for this scenario |
| A long-term partner with a status change | As soon as you have a positive test, a possible exposure, or new information to share |
| Considering opening up an existing relationship | Before any other partners enter the picture — build the testing & communication agreement first |
| Reconnecting with an ex | Before resuming sexual activity, even if you were exclusive before |
How to Start the Conversation
The most useful framing trick: make it about you, not them. When you lead with your own testing or history, you take the pressure off your partner and make it easy for them to match your openness. A few opening lines that actually work:
- “Before we sleep together, I want to mention I got tested last month and everything came back negative. When were you last tested?”
- “I always get a full STI panel between partners — it is just part of how I take care of myself. Is that something you do too?”
- “I have been on PrEP for a while, and I get tested regularly. I would love to know where you are at with all of that.”
- “This might feel like a weird text, but I think it is important — when were you last tested, and is there anything I should know?”
- “I want to feel good about this. Can we get tested together before things go further?”
Notice none of those are accusatory. None of them ask “Do you have anything?” — a question that almost guarantees a defensive answer. They invite information by sharing it first.
What If the Reaction Is Not Great?
Sometimes partners react with surprise, defensiveness, or even offense. That reaction is data. How someone handles a calm, factual conversation about sexual health tells you a lot about whether they are a good fit for you, full stop.
| If they say… | A grounded response |
|---|---|
| “Don’t you trust me?” | “This isn’t about trust — most STIs have no symptoms. Even people who are careful can have something they don’t know about.” |
| “I’ve never had any issues.” | “That’s good to hear. The only way to actually know is to test — when was your last screening?” |
| “That’s a buzzkill.” | “I get it — I’d rather have a five-minute awkward conversation than a problem we have to deal with later.” |
| “I just got tested.” (with no details) | “Awesome — what did they test for, and how long ago?” Different panels catch different things at different windows. |
| Refuses outright or gets angry | Trust that. A partner who will not have a five-minute conversation about your shared health is showing you something important. |
If You Have to Disclose a Positive Result
Telling a partner you have tested positive for an STI is one of the hardest versions of this conversation. It is also one of the most important — for them, for you, and for stopping further transmission. A few principles that make it easier:
- Do it as soon as you know. The same day is best. Delays make it more awkward, not less.
- Pick the right format. In person if you can; phone is fine; text is acceptable if the relationship is casual or it is the safest option. The goal is to communicate the facts clearly, not to perform.
- Lead with facts. “I just got tested and I tested positive for [infection]. I want to tell you so you can get tested too.” Skip apologies and explanations until they ask.
- Have the basics ready. Know the name of the infection, whether it is curable, and what they should do next. Most patients leave AG Urgent Care with a printed summary they can show or share.
- Use the safety net. NYC and NYS offer two programs specifically designed to make this easier — see below.
The NYC & New York State Safety Net: EPT and Partner Services
You do not have to handle partner notification entirely on your own. New York State offers two underused programs that exist precisely for these situations.
Expedited Partner Therapy (EPT)
Since January 2020, New York State law allows providers to give patients diagnosed with chlamydia, gonorrhea, or trichomoniasis a prescription or medication for their partner — without that partner needing a separate clinic visit first. It is called Expedited Partner Therapy, or EPT.
| EPT covers | EPT does NOT cover |
|---|---|
| Chlamydia partners (azithromycin or doxycycline) | Syphilis partners — they must be evaluated in person |
| Gonorrhea partners (oral cefixime, in qualifying cases) | HIV partners — separate counseling and testing required |
| Trichomoniasis partners | Co-infections with syphilis |
If you are diagnosed with an eligible infection at AG Urgent Care, just ask: “Can I get EPT for my partner?” In most cases, the answer is yes. Your partner still benefits from coming in for their own full screening — EPT is a backup, not a replacement — but it ensures they get treated even if a visit is not practical for them.
Partner Services (NYC DOH & NYS DOH)
If telling a partner directly is not safe or not possible, Partner Services can do it for you. This is a free, confidential, voluntary program run by the NYC Department of Health and the NYS Department of Health.
How it works:
- A trained Partner Services Specialist contacts your partner by phone, email, or message.
- Your name, the date of exposure, and any identifying details are never shared. Your partner is only told they have been exposed to an STI and offered free testing and treatment.
- It is available for HIV, syphilis, gonorrhea, chlamydia, and mpox.
- It is voluntary on both sides — your partner can choose whether to engage with the services offered.
If you would like to use Partner Services, tell your AG Urgent Care provider at your visit. They can connect you with the right contact at the NYC DOH.
Making Testing a Normal Part of Any Relationship
The easiest way to make these conversations less stressful is to make them less rare. A few habits couples can build together:
- Get tested together. Two people, one visit, one conversation. Many AG Urgent Care patients walk in as couples for a baseline panel before sex or before stopping condoms.
- Set a routine cadence. Once a year for most people; every 3–6 months if either of you has additional partners.
- Share results. Screenshot the patient portal result. No mystery, no anxiety.
- Use the right tool for the risk. Condoms for STI prevention, PrEP for HIV prevention, vaccines for HPV and hepatitis B. Treat them as additive, not optional.
- Re-test after a change. New partner, end of an outside relationship, possible exposure — go back in. Window periods matter.
This is also exactly the kind of routine care AG Urgent Care is built for. Walk into any of our locations: Bushwick, Flatbush Junction, Brownsville, Jamaica, or Canarsie. No appointment, most insurance accepted, results within days.
Frequently Asked Questions
Do I legally have to tell a partner I have an STI before sex?
For HIV specifically, New York State has laws around disclosure in certain situations — and the safest, healthiest answer is always to tell partners and use prevention tools together. For most other STIs, the obligation is ethical and relational rather than strictly legal, but disclosure is still the right thing to do and protects you both.
What if I don’t know how to reach a past partner?
NYC and NYS Partner Services can help. They have tools for locating partners using limited information and will reach out on your behalf without sharing your name or details.
Can I get my partner treated through AG Urgent Care if they don’t have insurance?
If you are diagnosed with chlamydia, gonorrhea, or trichomoniasis at AG Urgent Care, your provider can issue an EPT prescription for your partner. Your partner can also walk in directly for their own confidential, low-cost visit — we have self-pay options.
What if my partner is upset that I brought up testing?
That reaction usually softens once they understand it is not about them — it is about how you take care of yourself and the people you sleep with. If it does not soften, that itself is useful information about the relationship.
Is it weird to ask someone to get tested before we have sex?
No. It is increasingly the norm, especially among adults under 40. Most people respect it. The ones who do not are revealing something important.
The Series in One Sentence
Across these five posts, the throughline has been simple: sexual health is regular, ordinary healthcare — not a crisis, not a stigma, not something to dread. Test routinely. Use the prevention tools available to you. Talk to your partners. Use the safety nets New York City and New York State already provide. AG Urgent Care is here as your front door to any of it, any day of the week, across Brooklyn and Queens.
The full series, in order:
- Part 1: STI Testing 101 — What to Expect and Why It Matters
- Part 2: The Most Common STIs in Brooklyn & NYC — Symptoms & Treatment
- Part 3: STIs With No Symptoms — Why You Need to Get Tested Even When You Feel Fine
- Part 4: HIV in NYC — PrEP, PEP, and Modern Prevention
- Part 5: Talking to Your Partner About STI Testing & Sexual Health (you are here)
Ready When You Are
Whether you want a baseline panel before a new relationship, a check-in with a long-term partner, PrEP, PEP, or help with a partner conversation — walk into any AG Urgent Care location in Brooklyn or Queens, or check in online. Same-day visits, confidential care, and most insurance accepted.
Medical Disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment from a qualified healthcare provider. Decisions about disclosure, partner notification, and your own care should be made in consultation with a clinician and, where relevant, with support from NYC or NYS Department of Health Partner Services. In a medical emergency, call 911 or go to the nearest emergency department.